Songs From The Academician – PT Twelve

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I’ve thought a lot about what has happened in the past few weeks. It seems surreal, like how is this happening?

In the middle of last week, I heard that Chris had to move back home in Ohio because apparently he was ‘getting into too much trouble’ and I wouldn’t doubt that one bit. But now I’m getting sidetracked.

So let’s just go over everything that has happened the past week. Darren lost his job; Darren and I are dating, my dad got into an accident, Darren and I both told each other about our past, we confessed our love for each other, and now I’m debating on whether to forgive my dad for everything that has happened.

I feel like Darren and I should take a break because it’s been a hell of a few months, but everything has been going well.

Time has flown by and I’m just now realizing that it’s almost Thanksgiving, it’s on Thursday so four days from now. I’ve known Darren for about four months now. I met him in the beginning of August to the end of this month which is November.

He’s going to California for Thanksgiving tomorrow to see his family, he wants me to come with him so I can meet all his friends and other family memebers, but I don’t think it’s such a good idea. Who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind and go.

I changed my college schedule for my classes so that I get them all done on Mondays, that way I’ll be free for the whole week. So now counting today, every Monday I’m here at the college for seven hours.

Plus the Dean suggested it seeing how I’ve been skipping some of my classes because of all the stress I’ve been under. It’s most likely for the best, starting tomorrow everyone gets off the rest of the week to go out of town cause of Thanksgiving.

Did I mention that Darren found a new job at New York University? It’s a bit further than St. John’s University, but he doesn’t seem to care.

He starts after Thanksgiving break is over seeing how it’s a new semester and their English Professor is retiring. Everything has been working out perfectly, it’s awesome.

But one thing that has been stressing me out is my father. I’ve been putting off to call him because I’ve been afraid, what if it doesn’t go like it’s supposed to?

The lady called once again to inform me that he’s okay and has been asking for me a lot lately. His surgery went perfectly fine surprisingly, but still even though he’s fine, I’m pissed that he was drunk while he was driving. He could’ve actually died.

bell rings

I finally zone back into what’s actually going on. Damn it, I really need to pay attention. I stand up, gathering up my items and walk out of the room and out of the college.

Finally I get back to my apartment, I set my bag on my coffee table, my phone falling out of it.

I look at it, realizing that it’s time to make that call.

I take a deep breath, dialing in my fathers number. This could either go in a bad way or a good way and I’m not quite sure which one I want.

Finally after what feels like forever, but it’s only been like thirty seconds, the line answers. It’s silent at first until I start speaking. “Hey, it’s Lucy.” I say.

A few more moments of silence goes by until he finally says something back. “Lucy? It’s really you?” He asks me from over the phone.

I nod my head, but then remembering that I’m on the phone with him. “Yes it’s me, I need to say something.”

“Okay.” He says, letting me for once in my whole life speak.

“I forgive you.” The words leave my mouth quicker than I could think. “And I know you never said sorry, but I forgive you. I forgive you for blaming me, saying that it’s my fault mom died. I forgive you for drinking every night when you had no one else and most importantly, I forgive you for beating me.”

I feel like a weight has just been lifted off my chest. My body feels like it’s spinning, like I’m going to pass out any second. I feel tears swelling up in my eyes because of how long I’ve waited to say this.

“Lucy.” I hear him take a big breath of air, like he’s going to say something big. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything and I know that what I did was horrible, but I’m so very sorry.” He says and for once my dad is finally apologizing for something.

“It was no ones fault as to why mom died, life was just life and that’s what happened. I’m sorry that I wasn’t the father I was supposed to be after she passed, I was the devil towards you and there’s no way to tell you enough how sorry I am. When I got woke up from my surgery last week, I knew that the alcohol that I had, that almost killed me that night, was going to be the final and last taste of alcohol I was ever going to have. I’ve decided to go to rehab for it because I’m a drunk and all those times that you called me one, you were right. You were incredibly right. I know I can never make the words up to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for beating you, I’m not sure as to why you’d ever want to forgive me, but I will never forgive myself. You’re my daughter, my beautiful daughter, that went through misery. I hope you’re living the life you’ve always wanted to live in New York City, I really hope you are. I want the best for you, that’s all I’ve ever wanted and I know you probably never knew I wanted that. You probably never want to see me ever again and I really do understand why because I don’t want to be me. If I could take back what I did to you all those years I would, I really wish I could to give you the life you needed. But I didn’t and I’m sorry.”

Now I’m sobbing, I’m on the floor sobbing my eyes out because of what he said. My father apologized for all those years of misery that I never thought would end. The pain I felt and the way I felt, he’s apologizing and that’s something that I’ve always wanted to hear.”

I never thought he would ever, ever say those words. I never though I’d forgive him after all those years, but I did. I’ll forgive but I won’t forget.

“Lucy, please don’t cry, I don’t ever want you to cry ever again after this. You have the whole world in front of you, you don’t deserve to cry.” He says, I hear him sobbing on the other line.

“I-i just never thought y-you would say sorry.” I say through sobs of tears.

“I never did because-” he takes a deep breath but continues. “-I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me for what I did.”

“Thank you for a-apologizing, but I-I have to go, please take care.” I say, hoping that’s he okay, even though I shouldn’t.

“Thank you for forgiving me and no, you take care, I love you.” He states, I quickly hang up the phone after he says those last three words. I’ve never heard him ever say those words to me after moms death, I’m amazed.

I don’t feel those words anymore though, even though he’s my father. I just can’t think or say them at all.

But everything is now how it’s supposed to be, he said sorry and I forgave him.


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